I think you need to know the truth. This is something very important, and you mean a lot to me. I’m tired of the hypocrites, and of the others who are acting like they are perfect. I’ve been meaning to write this for quite some time, but I wasn’t sure how to express myself. I mean, do I write about how I don’t feel you understand me when we talk, or maybe I should be critical and point out all your faults (as if I don’t have my own, which I do). No, because then how are we going to connect? How can I explain faith to someone who doesn’t believe at all? Well, let me tell you my story and you will see that we aren’t as different as you may think.
I was born in the USA of Cuban descent, and only went to Catholic mass on Sundays because my mother made me. It was something nice to do, but it was really boring. I would stare at my watch and wait for it to be over, while the priest gave sermons that I still can’t remember anything about. My family just believed in God and didn’t take it any further than that, but I wanted to know more. I was tired of hearing about a God who cared about me, loved me, yet I could not experience Him. Non-believer, I think you have the same desire, to know God personally and for yourself. There’s that connection we all want to have with the Divine, and we search for it in religion, pleasure, money, relationships and much more.
You’ve probably met a lot of other believers who have these nice stories of how they were raised in church, got “saved” at age 5 and sang in the choir. They might have never said a cuss word in their life, or maybe every time you ask them how they are they say “blessed!” Their lives seem impervious to anything negative. Yet, that’s not reality, and we both know that. I want to tell you though, that I’m not that kind of person.
I didn’t have a screwed up childhood, but I have lived my share of sin (and still make mistakes all the time). I wasn’t married as a virgin, I cussed more times than I can remember, and didn’t have the most positive outlook on life. Lust and perversion were constant thoughts in my mind without any restraint. I’ve also messed around with the occult, studying astrology, horoscopes and learning a little bit about magic.
I want to tell you that I have already tried all of that, and it didn’t fulfill me. Been there, got the t-shirt.